One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a scouser all arrived at their hotel to find there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was
only one room left for them to share.
The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that
there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old
friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge.
They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the
Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn.
The Hindu and the scouser were just settling down to sleep in their
room, when there was a knock on the door.It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."
"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So
off he went to the barn, leaving the scouser and the Jew to share the
room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it." The scouser grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.It was the cow and the pig.

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of his standard response of reassuring her that wasn't the
case, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops, "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?" "Worked for your butt , didn't it?"
The husband lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may
even walk again.

A man goes up to this bird at a bar and asks her name"Carmen" she replies "cos i like men and i like cars".
The man replies"If thats the case my name is Charlie Beerc@nt"

What does a carp-fishing,stud with a 10" todger have for breakfast ??????

Well this morning i had tea and toast !!

A girl walks into my local,(dressed in mini,mini skirt,tits hanging out)and makes her way to the bar,I ask her if she fancies a drink?
Cheers she says "Iv'e a mouth thats like the bottom of a parrots cage "

Yes it looks like it's had a cockatoo in it !