Prologue:
The Invaders - Alien beings from a dying planet.Their destination : The Earth. Their purpose : To make it their world .
Ernie has seen them - For him it began one lost night on a lonely country road, looking for a short-cut that he never found. It began with a closed deserted diner ...... and a man too long without sleep to continue his journey. It began with the landing of a craft from another galaxy. Now, Ernie knows that the Invaders are here, that they have taken human form. Somehow he must convince a disbelieving world that the nightmare has already begun.

*************************************

I first met Ernie many years ago, before the dead sea was even poorly.
Every now and then we decide to fish together,it used to be Saturdays for about 8 hours, but now seems to be relegated to after work sessions of 3 to 5 hours,depending how cold it gets, or whether Ernie has to be up early for work the next day.
After a good 14 + years we still have the occaisional session together. It always starts the same, he wants to fish in swim A, and I want to fish in swim C. We compromise somewhat, fish swims A and B and place our two chairs together.
After a few good moans at each other and slagging one another off, the fishing begins in earnest.(No pun intended Ernie).
After all these years I still don't know whether Ernie goes to catch a fish or two, or just for a good rattle(conversation).
Right, stringers on, and I've chucked out. Ernie casts over my line just for the sake of it, re-casts 3 or 4 more times, attaches a stringer than casts out properly. We than have a good old chin-wag about "The Simpsons" or the price of eggs, interspersed with Ernie making several phone calls or trips to the car whenever possible.
We are not competitive when we fish together, we have only fished together twice this year, result so far; 3 carp 1 bream to me, 2 carp 1 bream to Ernie.
Our third adventure of the season will be held tomorrow evening on a good, occaisionally prolific doubles water, which does contain a dozen or so fish from 20 to 29lbs.
GAME ON, more to follow.................

Game on I see - -I am not competitive cos I always get my Ass kicked so I might look or say I am non competitive but deep down Ernie is a seething mass of frustration.

Oh yes tonight,– let the games begin

Big chuck gear at the ready. 5 bait stringer, Oops Sorry Bert have I cast over you?



Game on,
ERNIE

Does 320 eggs for 20 quid seem a fair deal?

Cookies !

"Does 320 eggs for 20 quid seem a fair deal? "

Depends whether you get a box (360) for £10.50 or not....

I see how this works now, Bert puts some words together & it becomes fact


Ernie’s angle now,


Mild evening, Rods out & the kettle on.
Two good friends came down for a rattle, & between me catching a carp a parachute flying into the trees, the fire brigade coming out & NOT putting out the fire (it was still burning when we packed up at 11pm) & "after returning my landing net I fell and damaged a knee on a concrete slab" FELL IN more likely, it was like a comedy sketch.

I am not sure of the rules but I thought swimming was

Being serious for a second it was a good night, good company, a giggle, bats, critters, carp & fresh air – the essence of fishing.

A pleasant evening was had by all

We shall see what the next session will have installed for us

Ernie

Well.. at least I'm getting them cheaper than two famous TV stars..

Where's the Count fishin' these days?

Heard a rumour but Im not sure if its one lake.. two lakes or three lakes.. ha ha ha ha haaaa!

Hey, Ernie! I thought this was a joint adventure thingy, but nice to see you've logged in yourself, saves me posting for you.
ERNIE & BERT indeed, doesn't have the same ring about it.
On my avatar, I seem to be smoking a strange cigarrette.
.
Okay then, I not only fell and hurt my knee, I landed in a foot of water as well. and if I'd known I was to take an early bath I'd have borrowed your little rubber ducky.
Catch you next time.
BERT.

Oscar the grouch........he was a class act.

Share a bed !!!
Bert & Ernie do not, have not & never have slept together - - it is just your nasty minds. Nope we have never slept together - -Ok

But we do do have a dam good rogering between blanking.

Nice 1 bert ....kin muppets

I didn't think it would be too long before ERNIE lowered the tone of this thread.
Don't forget, I have some important allies.


Have a nice weekend.
BERT.

BERT DOES IT ON HIS OWN:

I'm home alone this weekend and was able to fish from approximately 8pm Friday until 8am Sunday,if I really really wanted to,whichI didn't.
Several lakes for me to choose from,but it's a bank holiday weekend and I had to guess where would be busy. I chose the razzer, I had only fished it once last year and blanked, and last weekend and caught a 15lber, well pleased with that, as I keep telling the missus, size doesn't matter.
Okay,so I arrive at the razzer car park at 7.30pm to find 3 cars there, luckily only 3 anglers on, all fishing in the comfy swims.
The razzer is almost square in shape,with a narrow footpath and very limited fishing space on one side.One bak will hold 3 maybe 4 anglers, the open field bank will hold 3 or 4 anglers, and finally the far bank is tree lined,in and out of the water, with a swim at either corner.
I chose to fish the top rh corner of the lake, this put me about 40 yards away from the nearest angler,but there were overhanging trees between us so there was no danger of casting over each other.For bait I chose to use the recently purchased fishmeal with tuna and larks vomit supplied by BIG BIRD. One bait went out with a pva bag of pellets as that's how I caught last time,1 bait went out with a 7 bait stringer, and the third rod with a 2 bait stringer and 40 free offerings. THE outer rods were cast on the edge of the overhanging trees, about 20 ft from the bank, and the middle rod with the freebies about 30 yds out in open water.After downing several cans of pale ale I decided to get my head down at 10.30 It's surprising how quiet it is in the countryside at night, the nearest houe is 3/4mile awy, the nearest village 1 mile and the nearest town about 4miles. Quiet that is except for the foxes, 4 owls, and the moorhen that kept splasing about in front of me.
Right in the middle of a wonderful dream I had 1 bleep followed by a screaming run.5 minutes later it was on the mat, a nice orange hued mirror carp witha guestimated weight of 19lbs. Silly me,I had left my scales at home,and my camera,and worse of all my pillow. I was using the unhooking mat for that. Not again.
Within 40 minutes of re-casting the same rod was away agin, unfortunately my backlead caught on someting and wouldn't budge.I lost the lot,gutted.These things happen, the only plus point is that it was a running lead and a barbless hook.

Called it a day at 11.00 am as the other anglers hadn't caught, and I had other things to do,but I'll be back.
BERT.

PS ,went home had dinner, mowed my lawn then went to another lake bit-bashing, and with 1 carp rod just in case.
Had a small catfish and 2 small carp on the boilies, and 5 carp to 2lbs and several roach on the maggots.A good day.
BERT.

Ernie goes without Bert – Shocking

Well folks, seen as Bert went to “fookedifIknow” & did the night, Ernie decided to go to his own lake – (Yes his own)
Ernie does not do nights in the UK (Bogeymen you see) so I went with a Munchkin
I lost three to snags & being a s##t angler.
I had a lovely 16lb mirror on popped up sweetcorn.
Who would have believed it if 20 years ago someone would have said “here you are mate, put two yellow bits of plastic on a hair & tie that to your hook! - what plastic & not on my hook - Yeah right)

Munchkin had 4 - -And no one fell in

The next Bert & Ernie session is on Wednesday I hope
Watch this space
Ernie

Tonight we will sort out the muppets from the trolls
The men from the mice
The boys from the girls
The cats from the dogs
The cheese from the chalk

Bert & Ernie are going on the?@47><* (publicity ban)
But Bert usually kicks my royal ass on here
We will see tonight if its skill, judgement or pheromones
We shall see

Bert & Ernie will go head to head or is that give head

Watch this space

Ernie

Carp were crashing out everywhere.
I blanked, ERNIE caught a bream and had a liner from a swan (they really do love him )

Nuff said, MUPPETS , the pair of us.

BERT.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& I nearly forgot, whilst most anglers on the lake were sitting out in T shirts, one of us was dressed in his finest winter clothing...and it wasn't me.

BERT.

It got a tad cool last night – so I was prepared for it.
Yes loads of fishes everywhere but we both blanked (Bream don’t count)

Next time we will see –

It was a lovely evening though

Ernie

Bert goes again.
Ho, hum!
I had to go back to the same lake again tonight, hopefully to prove that we are not both MUPPETS all of the time.
The lake is a local club water only 4 miles from my workplace so I'm there quickish.
The water is about 3/4 mile long and runs North/South. Tonight the wind was piling down the lake towards the car park. I couldn't get where we were last night as 6 other anglers were fishing, I took 7'th swim.
Simple Simon was on the 1'st swim, he'd caught 5 right at the end of the lake. Bandy Andy was next along, he'd had a few, so had the 3'rd angler.
I only intended to fish for 2 hours only, and I stuck to it.
After a bieless first hour, mainly due to most of the fish being on the wind end of the lake, angler no.6 (he is not a number ) went home.
To cut the story short, I dropped into his swim and had a nice 16-06 mirror within 20 minutes of casting.
Nb. 23 degrees at 8pm.
Job done, then off home to vote.
BERT.

Well now,
tonight would have been the first time in three months that BERT & ERNIE went fishing together, however, the grass was a tad damp so we didn't bother.

Never mind ,there are a few more days left in the year, and I'm fishing tonight anyway, in the river outside my back door.
BERT

IT CONTINUES:
It is nearly 5 months since BERT & ERNIE fished together, but we had a quick session last Sunday morning.
The moment I disembarked from my carpmobile I saw a fish crashing out, followed by several more showing themselves. Why fish anywhere else? Moments after casting out my first rod, I decided to telephone ERNIE to come along and join me in what looked like a promising session. No swans about today for ERNIE to entice along, but he did manage to drop and break a bite alarm 2 minutes after arriving, the numpty.Nothing whatsoever of any significance occured after that apart from ERNIE managed to polish his charabang.
WE CAUGHT NOTHING.
If anyone knows ERNIE, be forewarned, if he offers you what looks like a burnt sausage atop a plastic plate, do NOT eat it.

Fishing is bobbins, I think I'll stick to playing with my pigeons.
BERT.

What is wrong with polishing ones motor?
I fixed the buzzer so its as good as new
Bert got the ump because he caught nowt
HE GOT THE HUMP -- I was in bed , enjoying the extra hour when I got the call " get your Ass in gear the ???? is full of carp" Oh yeah I got there & Now't -- not even a bream
Fishing sucks - I'd rather be playing Ages of Empire

Bert or Ernie - -I forget who I am --- Professor Fink even

Before Bert does it I will

The B#####d did it again, gets me out of my nice warm bed.
“Are you playing?”
OK I arrive & he gives me yet again the duff swim
Two hours later Bert sneaks out a carp –
I blank yet again

That’s it -- next time we go I will be there before him & I will not wake him up when I go – I will leave him in our bed

Either I am a s##t angler or he is a good angler – make your own mind up

BUT- Why oh why doe he always manage to catch more than me – it can’t be a fluke every time – in fact no ones else caught apart from him – Mind you I can spit further than him




Ernie

BERT and MR.Ed.

A Horse is a Horse is a Horse of course
and no one can surf on a horse of course
but Bert is a Bert is a Nerd of course
he can surf on a horse, of course.....

hope we can do it long before Christmas Bert
But what my I ask you doing to the horse -- it looks rude to me

Ernie

Hows the control float fishing Bert

Control Float?
Neither of us have fished Controller Float for years

In fact the waters we can both fish on are not allowing surface baits


Brian are you back on the glue?


Ernie

Brian are you back on the glue?


Ernie

Only
but i did mange to super glue my fingers fixing a controller float

May I please point out that since my last post,I have nothing to do with the recent demise of Desert Orchid.
I may be evil, but I'm not that bad.
BERT

Another frickin blank on the calender
Bert reckon’s I’m a Jinx - -I reckon I’m a jinx
That’s it - -the rods are away until the butterflies are out.
Or next weekend which ever is the soonest
Mind You – we had giggle at the Simpson’s episodes

Ernie

Well it is spring & there was an event on Monday
ERNIE & BERT went fishing & No Bert did not fall in but he did not catch owt?

Anyway there was a coming together of greatness , the power & the energy was yet again rekindled into a spark of dynamism - - Not sure where that took place – we did not notice it) but ERNIE & BERT are back up & running ---Well not quite running, limping along some would say

What ever next
I know Bert is not registered with Paypal so I bought a camera on my account so watch out piccys will follow I’m sure

Earnie (I think)

Nice to see two muppets getting along again
and once again no swimming for floats

Shhhhhh! It's early days yet.

Are we out next week playing at fishking
Just practicing my polski

nice to see you guys back

Nice to see you Gays back
We are not Gay Well I like to play the lady every now & then but Bert F@@k me when he is not catching he is far from Gay

Mind you that does not happen very often

Let me tell you about our little game
(Simmer Bert not that one)

When we are out playing
A blank = 0 points
A fish (carp now’t else) = +2
A take & a loss = - 1
A take & a loss and a WET LANDING NET = - 2

So far this season
Ernie is + 2
Bert = -1

Bert and Ernie.


A question if I may.



Who does the piccies?

You can ask.

Here's a video of Ernie without clothes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiaKtHSAy7U&mode=related&search=


And here is a classic video showing just what a muppet Ernie can be at times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6Ws3CIZmJc&mode=related&search=


BERT

Well we have had the toys out thrice now

Bert has caught a couple so he is not sulking

he has not yet started his smimming lessons but time wil tell

Kinell I forgot about this quality stuff

Well it will be August before the One & only two Muppets can play

Tuesday it is

Bert its judgment time

Be there or be Square 6:15 on the Robin carp ark on the Shalf

Well, it was a non-eventful evening.Neither of us fell in, and neither of us had a "head to head" with a bailiff or two.
Ernie didn't cast across me once, which was a first for him, but he did manage to drop groundbait into my coffee mug, which he kindly kicked over 15 minutes later.
I NEED MY SPACE ERNIE.

On a good note, under difficult circumstances, one of us managed to catch 2 carp, while the other muppet blanked.
Quality tells, mate.

Two little owls were in the trees either side of the road, Ernie, I would have taken a photo, but my camera was in movie mode, and couldn't figure it out.
Had you been playing with it?

BERT.

ernie don,t play with it does he??????????????????????

I never touched it

As far as the coffee goes well that was an accident
The two Owls- - Are you back on the glue again ????

There are two sides to every story & mines a lie

& in the words of the great Homer Simpson
It takes two to make a lie, one to tell it & another to believe it

Are we playing this weekski

Still practicing my polski

Well shiver my timbers
Shake a leg
Get the kettle on

The A team, ERNIE & BERT will be getting the toys out, shuffling their chairs together & its game on for Thursday evening.
Soooooooo watch this space
Bert will get hammered on Thursday, or is that ERNIE – I don’t have a fricken clue whose who???

But yup Thursday it is

what happened to big bird??

what happened to big bird??

Big Bird is now a Bailif at Dream lake with the rest of the muppetts

come on get with the programme

And that's not me
but i'm still glad to be called a Muppet
ps any Bailiffs out there anyway to close there waters for the weekend for a fish in plz throw it in

A few of us are after a fish in in the autumn

A few of us caught nowt.
Mind you,Ernie is a dab hand at attracting swans into his swim.
He does insist in throwing out a bucketfull of jollop into the margins, and if swans are nearby, which they were tonight, they soon come a-swimming.
Bleep,bleep,bleep all evening.
Oh yes, he managed to attract a rat near to his rods as well, where he had spilt some of his carp repellant.
BERT.

Fricken Marvellous that, marvellous

That’s a rat says I !!!!!!!!!
No no no says Bert it’s a water vole!
Is it says I - - it looks like a RAT

No says Bert look at its long skinny tail, its tooooooo long for a rat
OK as Berts the clever one I kept feeding the water vole

Now I read on here & he says it’s a Rat – I fookin knew it was but he conned me.

Oh well nowt was caught but we did some star gazing, not done that for yonks

I think I’ll give up humping my gear a mile to have a blank – I think I’ll take my bed chair & just lie under the stars listen to Berts words of wisdom.

The fruit bat actually asked me tonight “do they have the same stars in Egypt” yes says I but they come out during the day!

Water Vole indeed

Next time, just you wait - - Ernie will have his revenge

Bert Ernie they introduced water voles on a lake i know got any pics and i'll be able to confirm them seen a few
AS on Granada Reports a while back
There heads are a lot stocky compared to rats

Bri, it seemed too furry for a rat, more like a water vole (commonly called a water rat). However, it did have a long tail,not furry, and was eating Ernie's jollop/carp repellant.
So, rat it is.

http://www.wildlifetrusts.org/index.php?section=environment:action&factsheet_id=1
See drawings at bottom of page.
BERT.

Feck me had loads this last ses plus i was looking at a bobbin with no alarm and you know what happined all of them on that..
feck me

Ah well the season is under way
It is a tradition to begin in April
So the famous two were at it again earlier this week
Ernie was in top form, kicking Ass & showing Bert how it was done
In fact Bert’s absence is testament to how inadequate he feels
I await to hear from Bert cos there are two sides two every tale but I think he might be quiet for a while as he lies in his bivvy, licking his wounds & not contributing cos he only sings when he is winning, or is that whining

Ernie rules

Round two - - Tuesday evening 6pm –midnight on the bang flash wallop

Make sure you have on your winter woolies, it just may be a tad cold, snowing even.
Let's fish from the sheep field side, wind on us backs, and grab a sheep for warmth.

Pure new wool, wonderful stuff.

BERT.



Midnight?

1-0, THAT'S 2-0 TO ME ON AGGREGATE.

Trust Ernie to do a Peter Kay "skidding across the stage" impersonation on arriving, only on a nice muddy field.

BERT

come on guys where are you

One of us is hiding.


Also, nothing to report, get out the blankety-blank cheque book and pen.
No one has fallen over, fallen in cast over ?????????? or done anything else silly .
In fact, we haven't fished much this year.
BERT .


See the video instead.
BERT and ERNIE go fishing.

I’m still here too.
We will be getting the rods out as soon as Berts rash has gone & the vet has given him the all clear.

Ernie

Look forward to here more of your exploits